WHEN I STARTED SINGING

It was my first part2 course of Art of Living at Uthandi ashram, near the coastal chennai-mahabalipuram road, Every day i got my answers from the divine about the seven levels of existence, but i was too intellectual and egoistic to sing with others, though i used to sing formally in a frogs voice, i dint enjoy singing, it was just a compulsion for me to sing in the evenings.

But i was getting all answers i wanted in silence, it was wonderful, i could experience my ego which was blocking me from experiencing the infinite joy , the self.

Wonders were happening through out the part2 course.



One of the girls in my group who was sweeping the floor during seva had another hand tied up due to fracture which happened before the course. The last day morning of the course, when she got up, she was brushing her teeth with her fractured hands, later she shared this experience.

Another lady who had her sound box in the throat damaged and doctors asked her not to strain by singing, she was a singer, singing is her life. But she could not sing for last 5 years.
Even her speech was like a soar throat person, She was singing beautifully well during the last day.

Still i dint experience anything.

I was thinking why am i not getting any exprience other than getting answers for my questions, May be i am not so close to the divine (all concepts bla bla) .

Singing for me was most boring since my voice was not so good.

The course was going to end, and i remembered watching the bliss posture of guruji in singing during the previous days video session(a part of the course). My mind could not perceive that state, which the master is often going into.

I was desperate to understand that experience with my small intellect, i was aware that ego is blocking me to reach the state, but i dint know how to handle the ego.

Am i so far from the divine to have such experiences.( self doubt )

And vinesh nair started singing the last song , there went his song... BOLO NARAYANA JAYA JAYA VITTALA... , I was singing along as usual in a formal way,
And suddenly all my inhibitions dropped, i got a glimpse of gurujis state of bliss in the singing, and my voice grew up to fill the room, and I was really singing, my face was glowing in bliss(i dint see mirror, i could feel the glow), i was full of love, but dint know how to express, immediately a small child just 2-3 years old who was playing around her mother caught my attention, i couldnt resist, i ran and kissed the childs dimple cheeks, i was in wonder how beautiful this creation is, everyone i saw looked beautiful and handsome, i saw it was all divine, the objects around , course participants, the hall , the trees, the divine shop books and their volunteers everything seemed to be divine.

I never new i had such a beautiful voice. From then on, i never miss satsangs. My voice got sweeter and softer like the master. I love my voice now.