First experience of Awareness

I did three Part2 courses but awareness couldn't manifest in its fullest.

When i did my TTC-I(teachers training phase 1) of Art Of Living, it was my brithday 13 Jan (3rd day of TTC-I).

Guruji came to Amphitheatre for Satsang , but sang only one song that day because he had an urgent meeting to attend.

Do you know he sang it just for me, Raadha manasa chandrama. , i was waiting for him to sing the song and naturally he sang the same song, he knows that its my birthday among those thousands waiting around the Amphitheatre. (he dint want to dissappoint me on my birthday i suppose, how can he be so close ??? I dont know)

Guruji was urgently leaving for a meeting after Satsang at Amphitheatre. Uniquely there were only me and another child who had the same birthday, Guruji before stepping of the Amphitheatre situated before Vishalakshi Mantap, asked in his divine tone, any birthday's hmm...... ? I was waiting with a chocolate packet to go near him, no one else to stop me, I never spoke to him before, It was only soul to soul communication (silence) till then, He asked birthday is it... ? This was the first thing i spoke to him "haan" in Hindi (though my mother tongue is tamil) in english means YES (Thats why i am an YES teacher),(wonder struck and totally happy that he sang what i wanted) , I had chocolates to give everyone after getting blessings from guruji. He turned around and asked for a Garland from someone around , by the time i tore the chocolate pocket, because i cant give him in a sealed pocket.( I wanted those chocolates to feel his touch, i know they are lifeless ). He garlanded me and ran for the meeting after giving his divine touch to the torn pocket of chocolates.

I was so happy, i gave those chocolates to many, thats why i bought chocolates ( so that i can give it to many people, otherwise, if it was cake, only few would get it). I am intelligent enough hmm..

I slept in total peace and while waking up the next morning, something was different dint know what, It was Vikram Bhayya's Yoga session at Vishalakshi Mantap, but the divine was giving the experience of awareness through him(will tell in person to those who know me and want to know about the session) Yoga session was just a bahana (opportunity). That was my first experience of awareness, awareness dawned and the next 10-12 days i was in awareness with love for creation, I think in ones life this experience of awareness is a great gift . Guruji says awareness without love will give lot of irritation and frustration. So just being aware is not enough (we need to be in love along with awarness, so that we dont get frustrated and irritated by imperfections and negatives that occur around us ) .

So much more to share, keep reading, love you all

FIRST MEETING WITH BELOVED

After reading the intimate note to the sincere seeker ,one of those pages was about the navarathri celebrations in the ashram.

It said, lot of saints visit the ashram during the navarathri celebrations, and they are visibly moved by the grandeur and electrifying atmosphere of love and celebration.

I got a desire to visit the Bangalore Ashram to witness the Navarathri celebrations, and i just wanted to feel, why even saints are moved by the celebrations.

But, it was friday last working day of the office, i dint apply for leave ,though navarathri celebrations started the coming monday, neither did i buy any ticket to go to bangalore.

Since only me and another officer were in the section, i wasnt sure if i would get leave, as we were dealing with one of the important contracts between the russian and indian governments. And only two were present in the section. So i dint apply for leave as a responsible government servant.

But, i had a deep regret that i am unable to go to the ashram, i dint even buy a ticket as i know i cant go without applying leave.

No one knew that i wanted to go to bangalore, it was just my desire.

It was sunday morning around 2 pm,when my brother gopal called me up from ambattur about 5 km from Avadi, where i reside in the government quarters, he said satishan is going to bangalore he had two tickets but his wife is not returning with him, so he has an extra ticket which is going waste, and if i knew someone who would need the ticket. I just kept the phone telling my brother that i would tell you after sometime.

I was in a shock , what was happening, i dint apply leave, i dint buy a ticket, but someone is going to bangalore with an extra ticket, and my brother is conveying it to me( he doesnt know that i want to visit ashram during navarathri).

Around 3 pm i called my brother back after deciding to go to bangalore that i want the ticket, and sateeshan waited for me in the busstop with the ticket, we travelled together. It was my first trip alone to bangalore(sateeshan was not a known person to me, he was just a friend's friend).

I got down from the bus in the morning and travelled all the way to ashram after enquiring here and there about the location of the ashram, it was my first visit to the ashram.

There i was waiting to see the celebrations, but guruji dint come out of silence, he came out during the evening, it was my first time live when i was seeing this guy.

He came around the stage where the poojas are performed with a big welcome smile and namashkar posture bowing his head down by 30 degrees. As if we were all divine and he was the one doing pooja to us.

I felt a zoom of atmospheric change around my body, it was just a zoom, i dint understand that feeling, suddenly tears started rolling down my left eye, and the right eye was watching in wonder, i just touched my left cheeks to see what was happening to me. I couldnt believe they were tears. I dint know what was happening.

I was such a strong person, that i never cried for anything, not at all centemental in nature.

I am still wonder struck, how i reached the ashram, the way i met guruji , the tears that flowed out. The ticket i got.

Immediately after my return i was transferred to a different section, where i could get leave easily.

Every moment since then is creating a wonder in me. Cant explain, its beyond my small intellect to perceive or express.

WHEN I STARTED SINGING

It was my first part2 course of Art of Living at Uthandi ashram, near the coastal chennai-mahabalipuram road, Every day i got my answers from the divine about the seven levels of existence, but i was too intellectual and egoistic to sing with others, though i used to sing formally in a frogs voice, i dint enjoy singing, it was just a compulsion for me to sing in the evenings.

But i was getting all answers i wanted in silence, it was wonderful, i could experience my ego which was blocking me from experiencing the infinite joy , the self.

Wonders were happening through out the part2 course.



One of the girls in my group who was sweeping the floor during seva had another hand tied up due to fracture which happened before the course. The last day morning of the course, when she got up, she was brushing her teeth with her fractured hands, later she shared this experience.

Another lady who had her sound box in the throat damaged and doctors asked her not to strain by singing, she was a singer, singing is her life. But she could not sing for last 5 years.
Even her speech was like a soar throat person, She was singing beautifully well during the last day.

Still i dint experience anything.

I was thinking why am i not getting any exprience other than getting answers for my questions, May be i am not so close to the divine (all concepts bla bla) .

Singing for me was most boring since my voice was not so good.

The course was going to end, and i remembered watching the bliss posture of guruji in singing during the previous days video session(a part of the course). My mind could not perceive that state, which the master is often going into.

I was desperate to understand that experience with my small intellect, i was aware that ego is blocking me to reach the state, but i dint know how to handle the ego.

Am i so far from the divine to have such experiences.( self doubt )

And vinesh nair started singing the last song , there went his song... BOLO NARAYANA JAYA JAYA VITTALA... , I was singing along as usual in a formal way,
And suddenly all my inhibitions dropped, i got a glimpse of gurujis state of bliss in the singing, and my voice grew up to fill the room, and I was really singing, my face was glowing in bliss(i dint see mirror, i could feel the glow), i was full of love, but dint know how to express, immediately a small child just 2-3 years old who was playing around her mother caught my attention, i couldnt resist, i ran and kissed the childs dimple cheeks, i was in wonder how beautiful this creation is, everyone i saw looked beautiful and handsome, i saw it was all divine, the objects around , course participants, the hall , the trees, the divine shop books and their volunteers everything seemed to be divine.

I never new i had such a beautiful voice. From then on, i never miss satsangs. My voice got sweeter and softer like the master. I love my voice now.

THE DIVINE ANSWERED ME

It was after my Part-1 course of Art Of Living on 1st July 2003, i was thirsty for knowledge of who am i, whats all this happening around, I purchased 7 volumes of An Intimate Note to the Sincere Seeker.

The entire week , i couldnt rest without completing those pearls of knowledge, very different from any of the books i ever read, specially the events that occured week after week the divine expressed knowlede in form of few words, excellent compilation.

It was said, we would get the answers that we want from these books, when we have a question in life, I just wondered, how could it be true, it must be a hoax. But i dint have any question that moment to ask, so i just let go. The next day i had a question !! so what do i do , now ?? Ok i thought let me test what is said about these books. Anyway its going to fail, still let me give an opportunity to the nature to reveal itself.

My question was, why are spiritual practices essential when divine is all pervading, wont divine take care without practices, doesnt divine know how to take care of us without these practices ?

I just wanted to test one of the Intimate note to the sincere seeker volume randomly, and as i expected it failed, i dint get the answer, so i won, hurray !!, and divine failed isnt it ?

I just put those books away and wanted to doze off, when another book called the wisdom for the new millennium on the table caught my eyes, deep inside i had a faith that told me, probably i could get my answer in this book, let me try out, and as usual i said, if i dont get the answer in this book, i am not going to follow any guru, who ever gave these knowledge.

So , I just closed my eyes and randomly picked up a page, expecting an answer, and i got nothing relevant, so i lost hope and immediately closed the book and put it aside, But deep in my heart, i wanted to believe, i was wondering how could the divine fail ?

Do you know what happened next ?

There was something written on the Back Cover of the Book that i kept aside in dismay, Wisdom for the new Millenium, the lines went somewhat like this :-

love and longing

When there is love there is longing, and when there is longing love remains, both exist together, we cant separate them, love is incomplete, its infinite , its full, its never demanding, which we can call the divine love. Ofcourse its painful but bursts into joy at its extreme, its everlasting, full of enthusiasm, surprises, wonder.

My soul is waiting to get dissolved in an Ocean of Love. I am just a drop of the ocean , waiting to experience the Ocean, how foolish.

Anyone who reads this blog please do read the 'SIX DISTORTIONS OF LOVE' in the book 'WISDOM FOR THE NEW MILLENNIUM' by H.H Sri Sri Ravishankar my friend above and take a dip in the Ocean of love.